illus. Benjamin Bergman,, IG:

When you have the votes of deceased persons, and you’re trying to sell them, it probably helps to find a buyer who isn’t already up to their neck in fraud. Dead Souls Sales Lesson #5, from Chapter 3:

Mr. Green marked again in his pad. “I should be blunt, Mr. Tchitchikov.”

“Yes, please do.”

“Mr. Everly has won his last election with nearly ninety-five percent of the vote.”

“Why yes,” Tchitchikov said. “But he had no challenger last time.”

“And as to the challenger this time, we feel he shall not win.”

“But the polling suggests that the race is far closer than you suggest.”

“Yes,” Mr. Green said, “but our internal polling suggests it shall be a landslide in our favor.”

“How is that?”

“Never mind how is that,” Mr. Green said. “But let us say that we are exceptionally confident in predicting how this election will turn out. Our polls are very accurate, I assure you. I thank you for your time, Mr. Tchitchikov.”

So much for a quick sale…

Come read the free novel: “Dead Souls: An American Poem.”

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